Have you ever pondered on how to initiate a good conversation with someone, especially during the first meeting? Do you ever wonder how to establish rapport with people? Are you curious about ways to impress others and gain their admiration within the first meeting?
If these thoughts resonate with you, then this summary will be extremely helpful. Today we will be discussing a book that answers all your questions. The book is called "How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds or Less" written by Nicholas Boothman.
Our response during the first encounter with someone indicates the quality and quantity of our energy. It can either lead to a conflict or building good relationships with them. We tend to decide whether we are attracted to someone or not within the first two seconds of meeting them.
We often think that our reaction to someone is based on their attitude, as we recognize it in a moment.
Before we delve into the three steps of good communication, let's first discuss the five steps we should keep in mind when meeting someone new. We cannot prevent others from forming snap judgments about us in the first meeting, but we can make some adjustments to create a good first impression.
The three steps to impress any person in 90 seconds or less are:
Part 1. Meeting
Part 2. Communication
Part 3. Building rapport
In summary, this book offers insights on how to make a lasting impression in a short time, providing tips on how to communicate effectively, build rapport, and ultimately make people like you in less than 90 seconds.
1. Attitude –To make a good impression when meeting someone new, the first step is to adjust our attitude. However, we are not referring to positive or negative attitudes, but useful and useless attitudes.
Useful attitudes such as warmth, enthusiasm, confidence, support, relaxation, curiosity, resourcefulness, helpfulness, engagement, patience, and welcoming can be beneficial in building relationships.
On the other hand, useless attitudes such as anger, sarcasm, impatience, boredom, disrespect, anxiety, rudeness, suspicion, fear, self-consciousness, mocking, and embarrassment can damage our reputation and make it difficult for people to trust us.
Therefore, we should work on transforming our useless attitudes into useful attitudes. If we have a positive attitude, it can help us build good relationships and make a lasting impression on people.
2. Trust –The second key aspect to consider is trust. Without a positive attitude, it is difficult to establish trust with others. It is crucial to maintain eye contact when communicating with someone, as it conveys respect and signifies trustworthiness. Eye contact is an essential cultural norm that reflects the importance of mutual respect in establishing relationships. If maintaining eye contact is challenging, try to notice the color of the person's eyes with whom you are speaking, as this can help you to maintain focus and show that you are engaged.
3. Smile – Thirdly, smiling is critical. In our culture, a smile sends a clear message that you are confident and happy. However, not everyone has a natural smile, so it is essential to find a way to smile genuinely. A useful trick is to repeat the English word "great" three times in quick succession, as this can help to create a natural smile.
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!
The authors suggest that when approaching someone, the first thing to do is make eye contact or notice the color of their eyes. To produce a genuine smile, think of the word "Great" three times in your mind. Before doing so, however, it is essential to avoid leaning forward excessively. Overdoing the smile or eye contact can come across as insincere, so a little goes a long way.
- Mirroring – The fourth step is to mirror or synchronize the movements of the other person. This means copying their body language in a respectful manner. This technique is commonly used by people with great personalities to establish a connection with others. We will discuss this point in more detail later.
- Find Common Ground – The last step to building rapport with someone is to establish a common ground. To make a great first impression, we need to find something that we have in common with the other person. This can be any topic that we both share an interest in.
Now, we will discuss three communication steps that can help us impress any person in 90 seconds or less.
Part 1: Meeting
Knowing how to make people like you in 90 seconds or less can be a valuable skill in any meeting, but it's important to understand the purpose behind having meetings in the first place. A meeting is a gathering of two or more people to exchange ideas and work towards a common goal, and this can happen either in person or virtually. Here are four reasons why fixing a meeting is important:
- Builds strong relationships: Meeting people face-to-face allows for personal interaction and the opportunity to form friendships.
- Exchange of ideas: Meetings are a platform where ideas can be exchanged, inspiring suggestions and further development.
- Helps you to grow: With the limitations brought on by Covid, it became difficult for many people to go to their offices and engage in daily discussions. Meetings can help facilitate growth and development.
- Increases innovation, creative thinking and improvements: Through sharing and brainstorming ideas, meetings can lead to improved innovation and creative thinking, ultimately resulting in self-improvement.
Part 2: Communication
Great! It's good to know that you understand the importance of meetings. To have a successful meeting, effective communication skills are necessary. Let's now discuss the three secrets of effective communication mentioned in the book.
Step 1: Know the wants, needs, and goals
In the book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less," the first step towards effective communication is to establish a specific goal or need. Rather than having scattered objectives, it is important to focus on achieving particular goals.
These goals can be personal or commercial, but they should serve as a means of communication. The author illustrates this principle by using the example of Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC. Colonel Sanders had a clear goal in mind: to develop the perfect recipe for his chicken and market it in the best possible way. As a result, he was able to grow his restaurant chain into a multinational company with over 25,000 outlets in 145 countries.
Step 2: Find out what is being delivered
The second step involves analyzing the current situation to understand whether it fulfills the need of the situation or not. It is important to gather feedback and understand the gap between the desired outcome and what is being delivered. KFC's success can be attributed to its close monitoring of its products and services.
The company maintains strict quality control measures to ensure that the quality of its products and raw materials is consistently high, leaving no room for error. This helps to improve the quality of service being delivered to its customers.
Step 3: Changed and improved practices to achieve the desired results
It is important to maintain a slow and steady approach while constantly evolving our communication practices based on feedback. KFC, which originated as a small-town restaurant, became a global corporation due to its commitment to continuous improvement by incorporating feedback from customers and employees alike.
Moving forward, we will discuss the three secrets of effective communication.
Secret 1. Active listening
Active listening is a key aspect of effective communication, as emphasized by the Greek philosopher Epictetus who once said that we should listen twice as much as we speak since we have two ears and one mouth. Active listening involves paying close attention to someone's words in order to establish a strong connection between conversation partners.
An effective active listener makes use of appropriate body language and questioning techniques to establish a personal rapport with the speaker. It is important to be patient and attentive when someone is speaking, and to take note of their body language and tone of voice. This allows the listener to fully understand the meaning behind their words and tone.
Secret 2: Questions are the answers
Asking questions is an effective way to establish connections with people. It not only helps in acquiring knowledge but also strengthens relationships with conversation partners.
To ensure an effective conversation, two types of questions should be used, open-ended and closed-ended. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple yes or no, and are often used to convey ideas. On the other hand, closed-ended questions can only be answered with a yes or no and do not require further explanation. Closed-ended questions help partners to stay focused on the conversation.
A balanced combination of open-ended and closed-ended questions allows conversation partners to take breaks and breathe in between discussions.
Secret 3: Sensory channels
When communicating face-to-face, it is crucial to consider the preferred communication channels of our conversation partners. This is where the author's concept of neuro-linguistic programming comes into play, which is based on identifying people's sensory channels in any of the following three learning styles:
- Visual
- Kinesthetic
- Auditory
For instance, visual learners understand information better through visual aids such as books or pictures, while kinesthetic learners prefer a hands-on approach to learning. On the other hand, auditory learners can better comprehend information through listening. Being an attentive listener and observer enables one to identify a speaker's preferred sensory channel or learning style.
Part 3: Rapport building
We have now reached the most critical part of our summary, which is building rapport.
But what exactly is rapport? It refers to a friendly relationship between two people where they can understand each other well. To build rapport, there are four crucial points to keep in mind:
Point 1: Opening your body is more important when starting a conversation
To appear approachable when meeting someone, it's important to be aware of your body language. If you're standing with your arms crossed, you may give off a frustrated, nervous, or anxious impression, making you seem unapproachable. Therefore, it's essential to keep your body language open when talking to people.
For instance, open your shoulders and point to your hollow body to communicate that you're excited and ready to meet them. This body language conveys a friendly and welcoming attitude, making it easier to build a rapport with others.
Point 2: People like similar people
To make the other person feel at ease while conversing, it is advisable to synchronize your movements with theirs. This helps in creating an instant connection and builds rapport.
We often feel uncomfortable around people who have different mannerisms or behavior than ours. It is a natural tendency of humans to mirror those around them. For instance, when someone laughs in front of us, we tend to laugh too. Similarly, we tend to feel more comfortable around people who have similar behavior to ours.
Therefore, when meeting someone new, it is recommended to match their tone of voice, movements, and breathing to create a sense of familiarity and ease. This can help establish a positive and productive conversation.
Point 3: First contact
To establish a good rapport, the initial face-to-face interaction between two individuals is crucial. During this time, people evaluate whether or not they can trust you. This is particularly significant in the first few minutes of a meeting, and if a negative impression is formed, it may be difficult to overcome.
Therefore, it is important to present oneself in a way that is both approachable and trustworthy, so that the other person feels comfortable and at ease in their presence.
Point 4: Actions speak louder than words
To establish a good rapport, it is crucial to pay attention to the body language of both yourself and the person you are communicating with. Your body language can often speak louder than your words, so it is essential to ensure that your listener's body language is not contradicting their verbal message.
The concept of rapport can be demonstrated through the example of the Rapport Bee Design. In this scenario, a young man was dining alone and overheard a remarkable woman discussing her interest in online gaming. The young man quickly approached her and built a rapport through skilful body language. By smiling, leaning towards her, and mirroring her body movements, the young man was able to establish a connection with the woman, who shared his interests. This example shows how even shy people can become successful by practising this type of body language.
Overall, this book highlights the importance of body language in communication and encourages readers to keep their body language open to become more impressive and attractive people. By paying attention to your own body language and the body language of others, you can build stronger relationships and improve your communication skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion, "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" is a book that highlights the importance of first impressions, body language, and building rapport with others. The author emphasizes the role of body language and how it can impact how others perceive us.
By using open body language, synchronizing our movements with others, and copying the other person's tone, we can build rapport quickly and effectively. The book also offers practical tips on how to improve our communication skills and make a positive impression on others. Overall, this book is a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their social skills and build strong relationships.