Today we are going to talk about a wonderful book called Magic Words: The science and secrets behind seven words that motivate, engage and influence by Tim David.
Tim David, a professional magician who gave more than 300 live performances a year, is now helping managers and leaders improve their communication. The authors share how to tackle the biggest problems in the business world, how to influence the actions of your employees, prospects, and partners, and how you can get others to do what you want them to do. . His book, 7 Simple But Powerful Words, outlines a solution by looking at the science and secrets behind a set of words.
Importance of words and human connection
What is the world's biggest problem? People are not getting work. Parents struggle to get their children to do their homework, teachers struggle to get their students to focus, managers struggle to get their employees to perform, and doctors struggle to get their patients to follow their treatment plans. Let's struggle to get it done (Magic Words). If we could just get people to do whatever we want, the world would be a better place, wouldn't it?
When a child doesn't eat their vegetable, we bribe them with that yummy cookie after dinner. And when that doesn't work, we start nagging, manipulating or cheating to get the result. These tactics rarely work, and people hate being told what to do.
If you try to motivate people directly, you will not succeed. Think of that person you tried so hard to change, but it never worked. This is because you have used the wrong perspective. Instead, you must work on inspiring their actions, and this is how magical words can be incredibly useful.
When you think of magic words, you might think of words like "Abra Ka Dabra" or "Shazam" or "Hocus Pocus." And while Tim David spent most of his career as a magician, he now preaches the powerful magic of words. Seven simple words can help inspire the people around you to act how you want them to.
However, as best selling author, Daniel Pink says, "Inspiration isn't what we do for other people." There is an old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. As Tim David says, you may not be able to make him drink, but you can make him thirsty (Magic Words).
Human brains are complex, but most of them are already thirsty. All you have to do is find inspiration in someone who aspires to direction and influence and use it for yourself. When you do this well, you will not have trouble getting motivation, but you will have trouble directing it, meaning you will have trouble putting it in the right place.
Before getting the result, we have to establish a small thing called human connection. Human connection is the soil where people get growth by doing something. Once you make a connection, you can make many mistakes and still get results; However, if you fail to do so, it is as simple as "game over" (Magic Words).
Think about it, when teachers truly connect with their students, learning happens. When doctors connect with their patients, healing happens. And when companies truly engage with their customers, business happens (Magic Words).
In 1967, psychologist Albert Mehrabian wrote that about 7% of what we communicate is words, with the rest being body language and tone of voice. So, while words make up only a small percentage of a conversation, that small impact can go a long way in helping you express yourself and communicate more clearly. Words are a powerful tool, but when one deals with them, the results can be harmful and even damaging (Magic Words).
The magic of "yes"
Think about one of the greatest moments of your life. Getting down on one knee, holding something in one hand and hoping for something big to happen. Asking a simple question like, "Will you marry me?" After that there was a silence, shock and crying. Those 10 seconds going north will feel like the longest 10 seconds of your life. But in the end, all you hear is that perfect “Yes!” That simple word can be the most magical word ever (Magic Words).
The powerful word "yes" means a lot and is one of the most important words at any wedding. In reality, Dr. John Gottman has studied the impact of words in marriage, and after studying thousands of couples, Dr. Gottman has the uncanny ability to predict divorce from a single conversation. By looking at the 6 signs of divorce, Gottman has a 91% accuracy in predicting relationship success or failure.
What are those signs? They are the exact opposite of those who represent "yes". The most powerful signal is not to believe. When one partner expresses no, no, or rejection to the other partner, they are essentially saying, I am morally better than you.” Criticism, withholding, defending, and unsuccessful attempts at repair, combined with disapproval, create a toxic combination that leads to 91% of divorces. So while "No" has the power to destroy relationships, "Yes" has the power to bring them together (Magic Words).
"Yes" communicates conflict, promotes appreciation, creates a shared experience, and offers acceptance. Inside a marriage, "yes" is a magical word with impressive power. Marriages fail without it. Marriages prosper with it (Magic Words). But can magic words affect the rest of the relationships in our lives? Simply put, yes!
In the role of human being, we are afraid of rejection. The feeling of connection and living in a group is the key to our survival. This is the reason, that speaking in public is one of the biggest fear of people, it increases our fear of rejection, because we wonder whether people will accept us or not. However, when we hear "yes", we feel connected and appreciated. "Yes" is the ultimate magic word.
The key to hearing this magic word is to restructure the questions you ask. For example, when something goes wrong at the office, instead of just saying, "Please fix it for me," you should ask, "Can we fix it?" If you can get someone to say yes, you will find that they are more likely to actually do so (Magic Words).
The magic of "but"
Another short, simple word with great power and impact. Think about a time when you felt rejected by a partner or future employer. You must have heard lines like, "You're a great person, but you're not the right fit" with her.
Which part of the conversation will you remember? You certainly won't remember the part where you were told what a great person you are, instead, your mind diverts focus to everything that comes after the word "but". By using the word "but," you reduce the impact of whatever came before the word but. This effect is called "but eraser" (Magic Words).
In other words, whatever comes before the "but" is completely ignored, especially if it is the exact opposite statement of what came before. On the other hand, the "but enhancer" theory is that people direct their attention to everything that comes after the "but". Therefore, you should start the conversation with the information you want the person to forget, then use "but" and end with the information you want them to remember (Magic Words).
For example, when trying to sell life insurance, a salesperson might say, "I know you can't afford life insurance, but I want you to think about its benefits to your family." The potential buyer may forget they can't afford it, but if they think about the help, they'll be more likely to say "yes" and make it work for them.
Additionally, your business may rely on donations, so you can communicate to future donors by saying, “I know everyone is asking you for money this time of year, but you are our best donors. One of them. By starting with negativity and ending with positivity, you will be more likely to see success and achieve your desired results (Magic Words).
The Magic of "Because"
As humans, we try to put meaning behind everything. We crave information and we love to know why we need to do something.
If someone tells us to do something, we are more likely to take action and do it, right? If your partner asks you to do a simple job of taking out the trash, you can simply ask "Why?" Your partner might say, "Because we cooked fish tonight and it would be very unpleasant to put the fish in the trash tomorrow morning." Because you have a reason, you'll be more likely to do this simple thing.
A Harvard professor once tested this theory and the power of "because" by breaking the line at the photocopy machine in his office. At first he tried to break the line without explaining his rudeness. She was successful 60% of the time. Next time, she decided to use the word "because" to give a reason, but something completely illogical like "because I have to make some copies." Despite the illogical reason, his success rate went up to 93% (Magic Words).
"Because" is a magic word that can spark motivation in others, but there are definitely techniques to using the word "because" to your advantage. The first is the Advanced Because Technique, or ABT, in which you ask people to say "because" to themselves. While this technique is called "advanced," it is actually quite simple. By asking "why" over and over again, you can tap the other person into "why".
Going back to the person working at the gym, that employee can make small talk with potential buyers while giving them a tour of the gym. "Why do you want to join the gym?" A great place to use ABT is, "Why do you want to join a gym?" or "Why is it important for you to exercise?" This compels the person to tap into their cause, to purchase a gym membership (Magic Words).
Magic using people's names
Why is it that when you are in a noisy room, you immediately recognize your name? You could hardly hear the person next to you, and your attention was elsewhere. This is because we are biologically programmed to pay attention to the sound of our name (Magic Words).
Using a person's name is an important magic word that can help you build trust and connection with others. People value their name, and it happens to do good! Name is a part of our identity and hence people feel very valuable with hearing their name, even such a word (Magic Words).
This is called the name letter effect, where people give more importance to the character of their name than to any character in the letter. For example, research shows that people named Cathy prefer coke over pepsi, and people named Peter prefer pepsi. In addition, Georgia has 88% more women named "Georgia" than any other state. If that doesn't prove the power of names, I don't know what else does.
The magic of "if"
The next magic word is "if," which forces people to think hypothetically and has many powerful abilities to help boost motivation and engagement. One of the powers of "if" is that it has the power to counter reverse psychology. As mentioned in the magic of "because", people are more likely to make their own decisions because people do not want to be influenced (Magic Words).
This can be further proven by the magic of the "if" when Matthew T. Crawford and his colleagues once asked participants to gamble on one of two equally capable football teams. If one of the researchers suggested betting on a particular team, participants would bet on the other team 76.5% more of the time, simply because they wanted to exercise their free will (magic words).
In addition, when the researchers said, "If you don't claim them, think about how you'll feel when they win," 73% of participants took their advice. You can also use the power of "if" to confront people who often answer "I don't know" or "I can't" (Magic Words).
You can use "if" to guide their thoughts in a certain direction. When someone tells you "I don't know," you simply, "What would you say if you knew?" can answer with. This forces them to guide their thoughts with what they know, which will probably lead them to our answer you are seeking (Magic Words).
Ask for help
The key to being a successful employee, student, child, is to transform them from spectator to active participant (Magic Words). For example, when you go to a comedy show and the comedian asks you to participate, they are no longer an audience, but active participants, in which the comedian guides them through the experience. Manager, teacher, parents, your role should be same in their role. So how can you do this? Genuine ask for help (Magic Words).
Asking for help in the role of a manager has a different name. This is called "delegating," and there is a right and wrong way to delegate. For example, if someone asks for a task, let them take it! Even if he is a novice, he will appreciate the challenge and the opportunity (Magic Words).
Your job is to encourage everyone, so it is important to give work to those who ask. In addition, you should resist requests to fix, or fix, the way they do things. Remember, a task can only have one owner, so when you try to commit, you've taken ownership back. By doing this you have ruined your relationship with that person (Magic Words).
The Magic of "Thank You"
The last magic word is thank you. Gratitude is essential for the success of any business. They should thank everyone involved, from the employee to the customer. Customers who feel valued are more likely to return, and employees who are appreciated are more likely to stay.
After a project, an employee should feel happy and proud of what they did, and part of that is earning praise from their boss. Keep your employees happy by showing them appreciation for the work they do (Magic Words).
This can come in more ways than just saying "thank you". Perhaps start by smiling more often, even showing up on time shows that you value your employees' time. Create a "thank you-culture" where everyone is recognized. Remember: your business will not exist without them!
Friends, your body language and the tone of your voice can really say a lot about how you feel and communicate. However, we should not discredit the magic of our words. Words are powerful, they have the power to inspire and influence others, but they also have the power to bring someone down (Magic Words).
When used correctly, our words can create a culture of positivity and create good human relations. Communication is key to building a strong connection, and these seven magic words can help you make that connection even stronger.
Use "yes" while avoiding "no". Redirect someone's attention with "but". Motivate with "because" and "if". And lastly, show your appreciation with "Help" and "Thank you". These simple, yet powerful words can influence those around you, and when used correctly, can change the way people operate, both professionally and personally (Magic Words ).